Understanding Loneliness: Effective Coping Strategies You Can Try
- Kendra Horne
- Jun 19
- 5 min read
Introduction
Feeling lonely is tough, but it's real. Are there times when you feel lonely, even in the presence of friends, family, and colleagues? It is for me! I know this indicates my depression; it's not always present, but when it hits, it affects my mood and my ability to shake off a funk. Additionally, I know I contribute to this by ignoring messages from friends (apologies, Anil!) or canceling plans, even though I realize that connecting with others would boost my mood. I wrote this blog post to better understand loneliness—my own—and to help my readers understand theirs, too.
Maintaining friendships becomes more challenging as we grow older; my closest friends are scattered across North America, and we often keep in touch through direct messages on social media. We share memes and experience changing levels of communication, with periods of constant conversation followed by months of infrequent contact.
Now, I have a confession to make: I've been living in Dallas for over a decade, yet I haven't made any weekend friends. While I have friends who are parents of my daughter's classmates and colleagues I trust, I lack 'let's meet for brunch' or 'let's go thrifting' friends. In many respects, I consider myself fortunate. I've maintained friendships since middle school; we've grown up together, and I know we'll be friends well into our 40s, 50s, and 60s.
But how does this distance affect my mental health? Should I expect to have friends outside of work by the time I turn 40? Is having my husband and our kids enough?
What is Loneliness anyway?
Loneliness is a feeling, a sense of something missing. It’s a lack of connection, a genuine connection, not just an acquaintance, but a deficiency in connecting with someone who truly understands you.
The opposite of loneliness is being with those who know you best; in my case, it's my sister, Meghan. With just one look, we can connect and create an inside joke (sorry, Mom, they're usually about you!). It's this strong connection that is the opposite of loneliness. Over half of US adults report experiencing loneliness, according to a study by the US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, as quoted in an article by verywellmind.com. According to the same survey, less than half (39%) of adults report they felt very connected to others.
Why is loneliness so prevalent in society today?
Has loneliness become more common, or has social media, along with our generation (I'm a millennial, born in 85'), had such a significant impact on our lives? As millennials, we grew up constantly connected, often referred to as the first Facebook generation, and I believe this has contributed to our loneliness. Certainly, COVID also had an impact, but in the long run, I am more concerned about the lasting effects this will have on our children. Millennials potentially feel lonelier due to their use of social media (more than GenX and Boomers), according to a study by YouGov, quoted in the same article by verywellmind.com.
Can you be lonely and still be around people?
YES, this is me! It's not always present; it was in my 20s, but now it is intermittent as I move through life in my almost 40s. You can desire alone time, and honestly, as a mother and wife, I crave this! However, I also sometimes feel lonely in life, missing friends and family who live far away from me. Yes, both be true at the same time? I crave alone time, but then also feel lonely.
What are the health risks of loneliness?
Ongoing and persistent loneliness can have multiple health risks, but major impacts include:
Depression
Anxiety
Increased Risk of Substance Abuse
Heightened Risk of Suicide
Most importantly, a lack of connection can equal a diminished sense of happiness. So, what can we do to counteract feelings of loneliness? As we consider self-care this summer, what can we do to address loneliness?
7 Ways to Counteract Feelings of Loneliness
Call a Friend
When was the last time you reached out to your college roommate or your best friend from middle school? If you’re still connected, take some time to reconnect. This type of connection can help alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Make a New Friend
Reach out to an acquaintance and invite them for coffee, brunch, or something similar.
Talk to Strangers
I don’t struggle with this; it's a running joke between my husband and youngest daughter that I make friends everywhere I go. If you ask them, yes, they are making fun of me, but this is just something I do, and I never realized it could help with my feelings of loneliness. So, next time you're at your local farmer's market or grabbing a coffee, talk to the person next to you!
Volunteer
Sign up and dedicate time to something you're passionate about. Whether it's through your spiritual, school, or another community, giving back can not only help you meet new people but also provide a connection to something larger than yourself.
Join a Club, Take a Class, or Explore a New Hobby
As I previously explored in "Exploring Creative Pursuits for Mental Health" on Drifting Towards Simplicity, picking up a new hobby can have huge benefits for your mental health and improve feelings of loneliness. Meet new people and give something back to yourself this summer.
Adopt a Pet
If you’re feeling lonely, especially when you're at home, consider adopting or fostering a pet for the summer months to tackle loneliness.
Seek Professional Help
If your feelings of loneliness persist or if they interfere with your day-to-day activities, seek professional support and talk to a therapist to explore additional coping mechanisms and ways to combat loneliness.
Conclusion
Loneliness sucks! It's everywhere, and I don't want you to feel ashamed if you are experiencing it. I have a loving family, friends, and colleagues who care for me, but I still feel lonely from time to time, and that's ok! This summer, consider this an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and tackle loneliness as a self-care exercise. Let's keep the conversation going in the comments below; how are you planning to tackle loneliness?
Additional Reading on Drifting Towards Simplicity
Additional Mental Health Resources
The content on Drifting Towards Simplicity is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment—please seek support from a licensed professional if needed.
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